re: on the feeling of being a lover
Instead of labels and relationship scripts, I came to see relationships more in terms of needs. When A is jealous of what B and C have, that points to unfulfilled needs on the part of A. In my case my lack is not for wifedom, but on the contrary to free myself from the prision of nuclear family, from these claustrophobic concrete jails we call home. My need for co-housing is not a marriage need, it's a community need. In the same way that I always knew I needed many many partners, and finally having this be real is so fulfilling and glorious, I always knew I needed to live communally with a whole multigenerational band, sharing material resources and common labour.
If I could live with a few trusty comrades without any romantic or sexual connection, that would fulfill this one need just as well. And the sadness I feel at an empty apartment is there on a couple's apartment, too, I still remember it so well I can taste it. It's easy to project the relationship scripts we're given, but the sadness I feel is not a matter of love, love works differently for us. All you have to do is—
Ask her and she'll tell you who she is.
Be careful with her, with what she demands
Pomba-Gira, Queen, wife to no husband.
Elilla’s personal server.