I feel very unfair with conversations because if ppl interrupt or disengage from my long, meandering monologues, I feel deeply wounded. But I myself will impulsively interrupt other ppl speaking, or lose their thread entirely.
I know this is bad ofc, and I don't want to hurt my friends the way I feel hurt, so I make an active effort to be here and listening attentively. I think I do well when e.g. we're having an emotional moment, they're venting about depression and so on. But if they're telling me a long anecdote from work or something? Roll 1d6, on 1 I'll find myself wondering for last 5 minutes what would be the reflections on world mythology if we had ice rings like Saturn, or if I add a toggle button to my raspberry I could double the use of the OLED screen space, I wonder how are buttons programmed with GPIO, can you use inotify with pins?, or what would the dwarven empire be like if the One Ring by chance ended up with the kings-under-the-earth, it would be a machine of meaningless accumulation for sure, kinda like dragons when you think about it, in the early mediaeval songs about dragons they're humans transformed for hoarding, if dwarves became dragons would they look different?, and now my friend is looking at me expectantly & I have no idea what was just said.
Which, again, if somebody did that too me I'd dig up a hole in the ground and bury myself.
I'm not young, and long experience has taught me to rein the impulses somewhat. I hold back on ‘this reminds me of...’ even if I feel like I have to say it _now_ or it'll fall in the black hole of memory, cause now it's their turn, they deserve to speak and if I forget things I wanted to say that's on me. When I notice I've been away I stop my daydreaming and try to get involved with what's happening, say ‘sorry, what was that?’ if it was brief enough to recover. And ofc if somebody interrupts my story I try to think ok, yeah, I do that too and understand how it feels like. But sometimes I still do these things, without meaning to.
Elilla’s personal server.